The games we play

Whenever I talk to my child I offer him/ her rules for a game to play.

For example:
"Did you win that chess game on a computer?"
Game: it's all about winning

"You solved this problem really fast"
Game: It's all about being smart and lucky

"You worked really hard on this problem"
Game: it's all about the effort you put in

"What did you learn today?"
Game: acquiring new knowledge

Some games will help my children when they grow up
- You really worked hard on it
The game is not about the end, but about working on a solution. The game is to enjoy the process, work hard, put effort in.

- you tried to do it even if you didn't know how
The game is to take on things you don't know how to solve, not being afraid of failing

- you were really respectful with your friend
The game is to show respect to people.


Some games will NOT help
- You must be really smart.
If the game is to be smart then the child will try to find problems that show him as smart. Who wants to deal with a challenging problem which he is not even sure he can solve? What if he fails? It would show he is not smart, and it's not the game he plays.

- You are really good at this (e.g. tennis, chess). Same thing, the child will try to find the circumstances that would have him win in his game , of being really good at something. Which means, he will take easier challenges, to handle them really well.

What games are you playing with your kids? What rules of the game do you imply by praising them?